Documenting The Things That Pull At My Heart Strings, My Pearls Of Wisdom, And Sharing The Thought Bubbles That Burst Inside My Head From Time To Time
Thursday, April 07, 2011
I should apologize in advance for the very random posts that I know I will be posting in the near future! Trying to do without internet is a very hard thing! Just look at me! I am blogging on a mini screen on my phone! Yes, I am an internet junkie! I spend way too much of our money on books about the craft or just books I want to read but I don't read them all. I spend too much time on the net to read all the materials I have! I spend more time playing apps on a social networking site than I do taking care of myself! I
Today was a bad day in a way but a good day too. At this moment in time, i have mixed emotions about it. A few kinks were thrown in the mix of my normal life which i didnt handle that well. I did lose it and tried to climb on my pitty pot to cry why me when i realized that this was not a punishment for past mistakes. This is an opportunity to turn everything around in our favor! So, that is what we will do...make the best of what ever curve balls life throws at us. We can either knock it out of the park or strike out. I am not a big fan of striking out!
usually, i am a pretty nice person. i tend to stay to myself. i do not like to ruffle the feathers of others. i don't like it when others stick their noses in my family's business but i have learned, with help from local law enforcement and a few too many classes of anger management, that i can't control the actions of others with force. i mean, i could, but it isn't legal! for years upon years i have worked endlessly to rid myself of behaviors that i find to be icky. yes, icky is the very best term for it. one of my most icky behaviors, besides my horrible temper, is jealously. i know.. it is ugly isn't it? i have a very handsome husband. he simply adores me. our relationship has stood all of the hardest tests possible and still, we are rock solid. we have a daughter who is just beautiful. she can't go anywhere without people telling her how lovely she is. she hates it because she doesn't see how truly amazing she is, in more than just the looks department. but, when i see this one female... we will call her ashley.. when i see ashley out in public, which thankfully isn't that often anymore, i would become so jealous of her! she is not what i would consider a nice person at all. she has done so many things to others and myself personally, i don't think blogger would provide enough space for me to type it all out. there aren't enough hours in the day either to actually write out everything that just I know of that she has done to be horrible to people. a few years back, she was pretty much a joke. other women would say to me how ashley was just a very loose female, with no morals, who would rather lie than speak the truth. she was a stalker when she felt someone was getting too close to her 'man' at the time. she would do anything she could to try to get inbetween a man and woman in a relationship if she thought it would upset or break up the relationship because, i personally thought, she was so unhappy in her own relationship and misery loves company. for years i had the upper hand as she was the one who was green with envy of me...till now.
she has some how, and how she did this i will never know, fooled a small group of people into thinking she is.. amazing. she is often called 'such a good friend to have'. another one i heard was 'ashley tells it like it is!' remember now, i know beyond shadow of doubt that she lies like mad because she did this to me.....PERSONALLY.. lied about and to me and my husband on many occasions before an end was put to her madness. so, how can anyone think ashley is 'good people'? i have heard comments such as, 'you know me! i say what i think and i back it up!' come from her mouth.. but why is that rejoiced and consider a highly valuable trait in a female? i was always taught to hold your tongue, speak only the truth, and solve conflicts with knowledge, not fists. all of this is reversed for her. i find that disgusting and people who find this acceptable will not be in my company or in the company of my family. but for the love of all that is good and true, why is she exempt?
now, the jealously of mine.. it is ugly, childish, and just terrible but i feel that she should not have all the things that she says she has. how can the god/dess actually bless her with success with the things that she has done? we have all made mistakes! i am the world's worst! i work for years to atone for the things i have done. i never feel like i have truly made up for anything that i have done out of spite or anger to others. i am brutal to myself and treat myself like an unforgiven criminal when i wrong another human. how can her life be all peaches and roses when i know for a fact she has done things that would shake the foundation of other people's lives to the core if they had done these things.. and she has come out unscathed! HOW? i ask you how? i am literally jealous of the fact that she was able to come out smelling like jasmine when she used abortion as a method of birth control! she told me this, this isn't rumor! i don't agree with that but if others do, that is their choice.. why is it now considered 'okay' with people who at one time said she was just horrible for doing this? has she changed so much that others have forgotten those things she has done that she was oh so proud of and now she is considered 'a perfect example of a mother'? yes, i am green and hissing but i just don't see how this has happened. maybe, i am the one who needs to look inside themself and realize i am being a wicked 'witch' by feeling this way. more than likely, this is the problem. at the end of the day though, i have no problems sleeping at night. i know that if i do something that is wrong to another person, i will get it all back times 3 or times 3 million. i will suffer the most for my actions in many ways. oh karma is creative! just when i wonder why why why is this happening to me, i remember being snippy with my husband and i will smack palm to forehead. DUH! (my snippy is often much more snippy than the average snippy. huge character flaw!)
this is the end of my rant. i have had a huge break through! i have come to realize that if i am out and someone tries to fill me in on all the gossip of what all ashley has, or what she has done or said, or what she has bought or how amazing she is as a person (oh that one grates my skin!) the best thing to do is stop it before it begins! i can't be jealous of what i don't know about. i can't question what has happened to the world if i don't know what she has claimed to have happen to her that is wonderful. i can't turn green if i don't listen to the comments made by others about her amazing character. for her sake, i do hope she has changed that much! i that karma always finds me when i am persnickity! i am sure it will hunt her down as well, if it hasn't already!